Ways to Ask About Hormones and Surgery Without Being Rude
- I have a strong desire to transition myself, but thinking about it makes me nervous so I have a hard time doing research online, since you are a friend of mine could you tell me about your experience with transitioning?
- I’m a doctor working with a trans patient and am woefully underprepared by a cissexist medical training system, would you be willing to share your knowledge with me as a paid consultant?
- The doctor would like to know what medications you are on and if you’ve had any major surgeries in the past 3 years so that we can make sure it won’t lead to complications with your current medical care.
- I don’t actually need to know about your experience personally, but since you are the professor in my sexual health course, could incorporate trans experiences of health and sexuality into your curriculum?
- I happen to have a bunch of quality dialators, binders, gaffs, packers, and breastforms hanging around, if you could use any, let me know.
Wait though… does this mean cis people who aren’t some kind of surgeon/sexual expert aren’t ever allowed to ask their trans/genderqueer friends about their experiences?? Like, curiosity and wanting to understand experiences outside our own is always going to be rude no matter what?
^^^ I have wondered the same thing myself. Sometimes I get this “if you don’t know why you are wrong I won’t tell you” or the “you’ll never understand ” Well of course I will never understand if nobody explains things.
Also… in my opinion all those “points” come off as loaded statements to me.
Sorry I tried to understand you better? Sorry I wanted to help erase inequalities by furthering my knowledge? Sorry I am biologically a male who is comfortable being male who is also attracted to females?
Really… I don’t understand the logic here. I only want to learn. I don’t care if you are trans or gay or lesbian or whatever. I don’t intend to treat you any different than I do any other human being. If it seems like I am being a jerk to you… it isn’t because you are trans or gay or lesbian… it is because I am treating you like I do anybody else.
“Personal curiosity is rarely a valid justification for asking about sensitive and private medical information and details about a stranger’s genitalia. Think it through - if you are in a context that would be rude to ask a cis person about their genitals, it’s probably rude to ask trans people as well.”
That part I think I can sort of agree with. You don’t go around asking strangers about their equipment. The reason we DO ask though… is because we don’t understand. I know how male biology works (personally) and have an understanding of female biology (by asking questions to females). I don’t ask these sorts of questions to strangers normally (because for the most part I just don’t care)… just people I know or feel comfortable asking it to.
I don’t even know where I was going with this anymore. I’m sure I will have pissed somebody off. I guess I can understand the frustration with getting bombarded with questions and trying to explain things to everybody. I think I can also understand if you get upset because you aren’t comfortable with something or another. It’s also not a stretch to make the conclusion (given the flak you get normally) that you are being attacked or whatever.
Long story short, ignorance won’t end itself. If you want people to understand, they will have to be taught.
For what it’s worth, I am sorry. I don’t normally reblog these things or pay much mind to them.
I understand where you’re coming from, and I sympathize, so let me take a moment to cover a few things. First off, you’re right, they are loaded statements. I’m being somewhat playful and sarcastic (humor is a great way to deal with shitty things in life like this).
As for ending ignorance. I’m an educator so obviously I would like to see that, but in this case, I don’t actually care if cis people are ignorant about my genitals. When this is being asked, it’s often by people I met at a party less than an hour ago. Sometimes it’s folks on the bus. Rarely ever is it folks who I’d actually call my friends. When my friends ask, they aren’t asking me about my genitals, but about trans health in general — or perhaps about my health needs and if I’m getting them met or if I need help. What I’m complaining about is a different dynamic. People don’t want to learn about transition as much as they want to apply the knowledge they already have (or think they have) to my body.
So let me share with you a small taste of what this might be like, and I’ll be gentle here, mimicking someone with the best of intentions. I’ll also be clear - because text isn’t good at conveying emotions - that I’m not upset or trying to make you embarrassed, but just engaging in a thought experiment. And if you feel like answering, I’d genuinely be interested in your answers.
Let’s start simple. How large are your genitals when erect? Is that common for cis guys? What would you say is average? How do you compare? Have you ever had a genital piercing? If so, please tell me what kind, how the procedure is done, and how it works for you? What was the healing process like? How does it affect the way you have sex? If not, why not? Have you considered it? What are your reasons for not getting a genital piercing? Also, you know that line of darker skin pigment that goes down the middle of the scrotum, well I’ve heard that for cis guys the pigment is a lot lighter and sometimes is barely noticeable — what’s the contrast levels of the your skin pigment in that area? Is it noticeable? Is it obvious? I’ve also heard that cis guys genitals are somehow more resistant to yeast infections than other people’s. Have you ever gotten a yeast infection? How often do you get yeast infections? Have you never gotten a yeast infections? I’m really curious how strong this resistance is - do you wash regularly? How long are you able to go without washing your genitals before you get a smegma buildup? I guess that’s related to another question - are you circumcised? If not, do you regularly pull back the foreskin to wash? If so, how does that effect your sensation and sexuality. I’ve heard that it can be a significant affect on dulling sensation, what’s your experience? Do you ever have difficulty orgasming because of it? Do you ever have difficulty getting raw when masturbating? Oh, that reminds me, do cis guys really never use lube when masturbating? How often do you use lube when masturbating?
I suppose that’s enough for now, we are still relatively strangers afterall. I might be able to guess at some of this information based on my own experience - and hell, I actually know a lot of cis folks and even have had a cis partner or two. But I rarely get to ask all these questions of cis guys. Your individual experience might not be enough to actually answer these larger questions about what cis guys genitals are like, so I’ll probably have to ask several other cis guys the same questions before my curiosity is satisfied.