Trungles: Dear Liberal Allies – what your college courses on oppression didn’t tell you
I’m not angry or upset about anything in particular at the moment, but I thought I’d take a little time to write something out that had been bugging me about allies. It’s certainly not all-encompassing or totally comprehensive, but it’s something I’ve been thinking about in terms of being a good ally and a good neighbor, especially here on Tumblr.
Before you step in to help us out, I’d just like to clarify a couple things.
You and I, we may have taken the same seminars and maybe even read the same Audre Lorde excerpts or Ronald Takaki books, but know this: we learned very different things in very different ways
For students of color, for gay students, for trans* students, for the children of immigrants and refugees, these classes aren’t always about learning new concepts when it pertains to us. It’s more about learning the names of things we already knew fairly intimately. Do you understand that? You learned it another way. You went in, you got this set of key words and a list of definitions. Your learning was, in all likelihood, “Here is this word. This is what this word means.”
For you, it was “Xenophobia: a strong fear or dislike of people from other countries.”
For us, it was “Xenophobia: the time that boy in my kindergarten class spat on me because I couldn’t speak English yet. Or when I saw that clerk yell at my mom in the grocery store because her English wasn’t clear enough. Or when USCIS had us confirm our American citizenship with the same set of papers seven times over the course of sixteen years because they wanted to confirm that we were, in fact, actual American citizens.”
For you, it was, “Racism: unfair treatment of people who belong to another race; violent behavior towards them.”
For us, it was, “Racism: that one time I saw that manager tell that sales girl to follow my dad around at Kohl’s. Or that one time my neighbor’s kid got shot by the police and they tried to cover it up by convincing everyone he was in a gang because he was Hmong, but we knew he wasn’t. Or that one time my dad told me I shouldn’t rollerblade to the library because I’m not white and it’s not safe for me.”
For you, it was, “Homophobia: a strong dislike or fear of homosexual people.”
For us, it was, “Homophobia: that time in the sixth grade when Ryan shoved me against a glass door and banged my face in it while yelling, ‘faggot!’ at me until the teacher stopped him. Or when my Catholic high school’s president told me that, though he loved me as a child of God, he still believed I was sinful when I suggested that we start a GSA.”
For you, it was: “Classism: prejudice or discrimination based on social class.”
For us, it was: “Classism: that one time when my best friend came over to hang out in high school and her parents didn’t want her to come over again because they didn’t like our neighborhood. Or that one time when my friends had no idea what food stamps looked like and I was too embarrassed to explain what they were.”
So while you were learning that these academically-framed phenomena were real problems, we were just getting little figurative nametags for awful things that we already knew. Your weekly vocabulary list was, to us, just a hollow shadow of our lived experiences.
So my point is this:
If you didn’t live an experience, then step aside. Because we knew this stuff before our professors told us what to call it. We learned it from the bottom up, you learned it from the top down, and that’s not even a metaphor.
When you step out of class, you get to be like, “Oh, awesome. I am learning how to be a good ally and a better human being. This will help me.” For us, it’s more like, “Ah, so that’s what they’re calling it nowadays. When exactly did they say change was going to come for us?”
So in practice, here’s what all this theory looks like: you don’t always have to speak. I mean, certainly, you should totally call someone out on their oppressive bullshit. But if you identify as male, you don’t get to tell people what is best for women as though you have that authority. If you’re white, you shouldn’t be trying to “uplift” people of color by the grace of your intellect or your words. Nobody’s looking to be ‘rescued’ or ‘pulled up from out of their unfortunate circumstances’ as you may be tempted to believe.
All anybody’s looking for in an ally is someone who knows that “empowerment” means taking a step aside in a place where you know you have privilege. And if it is, for example, a PoC-to-PoC conversation, a woman-to-woman conversation, a queer-to-queer conversation, etc. about this stuff, and that isn’t who you are, you don’t need to be chiming in.
Just take our word for it, let us talk, and let us vent. We’d like you to give us room, and if you have to be helpful, then help make room for us by giving up some of your proverbial social girth.
Because the bottom line is that our academia has made a commodity of ourlived experiences as teaching moments for you. And if you think your academic knowledge is more valid than our lived experiences, then you’re definitely not part of the solution.
Much love.
Gay versus black: a spoken word showdown
Two young artists speak truth to power about being gay and being black and the struggles faced by both groups.
Are lesbians more accepted by society than gay men?
CHICAGO — It may be a man’s world, as the saying goes, but lesbians seem to have an easier time living in it than gay men do.
What I Learned From Gay Sex: Misogyny And Homophobia
Peter is a gay man I slept with once. When he did come home with me and we were naked in my bed, he kissed my neck, and I moaned, high-pitched and breathy. He stopped, looked me in the eye and said, “Don’t do that. It’s faggy.”
Stephen Colbert Responds To ‘Accidental Racist’ With ‘Oopsie-Daisy Homophobe’
On Wednesday night’s Colbert Report, Stephen Colbert addressed the new song from Brad Paisley and LL Cool J, “Accidental Racist,” which happens to be, apparently, accidentally racist. Colbert described the song as “uniting all of us… to join our voices as one and declare, ‘This song sucks!’”
Pride group: Chick-fil-A doesn't fund most divisive groups
(CNN)— Chick-fil-A restaurants’ philanthropic WinShape Foundation no longer funds the most controversial and politically charged anti-same-sex-marriage groups and has not since 2011, according to Campus Pride, a leading national LGBT campus organization.
Campus Pride issued a statement Monday claiming that Chick-fil-A gave the organization’s executive director, Shane Windmeyer, access to WinShape’s 2011 “990” tax documents.
He said they show that the nearly $6 million in outside grant funding “focuses on youth, education, marriage enrichment and local communities” and that in the list of the foundation’s beneficiaries, “the most divisive, anti-LGBT groups are no longer listed.” Among those groups were the Family Research Council, Eagle Forum and Exodus International.
Windmeyer acknowledged that WinShape continues to fund groups that don’t condone same-sex marriage based on biblical beliefs but says these groups, such as the Fellowship of Christian Athletes, don’t operate with the same hard-nosed political agenda the other groups are known for.
Full article here
People of color, women, and gays — who now have greater access to the centers of influence that ever before — are under pressure to be well-behaved when talking about their struggles. There is an expectation that we can talk about sins but no one must be identified as a sinner: newspapers love to describe words or deeds as ‘racially charged’ even in those cases when it would be more honest to say ‘racist’; we agree that there is rampant misogyny, but misogynists are nowhere to be found; homophobia is a problem but no one is homophobic. One cumulative effect of this policed language is that when someone dares to point out something as obvious as white privilege, it is seen as unduly provocative. Marginalized voices in America have fewer and fewer avenues to speak plainly about what they suffer; the effect of this enforced civility is that those voices are falsified or blocked entirely from the discourse.
The Incredible Story of What Happened When Two Gay Men Were Harassed While Waiting for Pizza
This past weekend I was a part of something incredible that happened in my community of Columbus, Ohio. After a fun night out in the Short North, my friend Ethan and I ventured down the street to a popular pizza truck called Mikey’s Late Night Slice. As a frequent late night visitor to the truck I knew the requisite wait in line is part of the process for securing an insanely good slice of pizza. It was really cold so Ethan and I were holding hands and standing close together to keep warm, we were laughing and joking about all the fun we’d had that night, when all of the sudden the guy in front of us turns around and tells us to cut our “gay shit” out.
I was a bit startled by his words but I didn’t expect what happened next. Almost every single person in that line made it known to him it was not OK for him to speak to us like that. By happenstance my friend John, who is also gay, was standing in front of him and as he continued his rant about being disgusted by us we both let him know that this was our city too and that we were not about to stand down to his bigoted ideas, especially not in one of the gayest neighborhoods in town. As he continued it was actually the straight people in line who spoke up that were so awesome.
I didn’t expect to see allies so willing to chime in and let this guy know that his hate speech wouldn’t be tolerated. The best part though was as he grew more irate and vocal the guys who work the truck stopped what they were doing and leaned towards the window and told him they would not serve him because he was spewing hate. They said they support everyone in our community and that he should get out of line because they would not be serving him. He begrudgingly got out of line and walked away escorted by a friend who had been hanging back.
My Queer Wish List: 10 Out-of-the-Spotlight Hopes for the New Year
(following from Josh A. Goodman for HuffPost)
1) LGBT-Inclusive School Curricula
This is a classic item on the so-called “gay agenda,” but it appears that the anti-gay crowd hasn’t had too much to worry about in past years (outside of California, anyway). Many schools still avoid talking about LGBT issues, especially with younger kids. However, if kids are exposed to storybooks with gay parents, or learn that people like Matthew Shepard were killed for being gay, they may become more accepting of LGBT people and less likely to engage in anti-gay bullying.2) Comprehensive Sex Ed
Speaking of schools, this item is worthy of its own shout-out. It’d be nice if more sex ed programs acknowledged that it’s normal and healthy to be lesbian, gay or bisexual, and included information on how LGB people can prevent STIs such as HIV. On the flip side, programs that focus on abstinence to prevent teen pregnancies are of little use to lesbian and gay teenagers.3) The Demise of Other “Kill the Gays” Laws
Uganda has garnered a lot of attention because they might pass the so-called Kill the Gays Bill, but dozens of other countries, ranging from Sudan to the United Arab Emirates, already kill or imprison gay people. Perhaps because there’s no imminent chance of the laws changing, they haven’t received as much outrage, but they ought to.4) An Out Pro-Athlete
To date, there has still not been a player in one of the big four sports leagues (NBA, NFL, NHL and MLB) to come out during his career. A prominent gay pro-athlete would confront the stereotype that gay men can’t be athletic and could serve as a role model to queer youth who face discrimination in sports. Plus, people set aside religious bigotry, racism, and other prejudices to root for athletes on their team; it’d be nice to see the same with regard to homophobia. (KNOWhomo moderator’s note: obviously there are out female-identified athletes, though no current male-identified athletes in the USA’s 4 major sports leagues have made the courageous leap.)5) Better Adoption Laws
Thirty-four states do not routinely allow same-sex couples to jointly adopt a child. That’s a shame, both for the couples who want to start families and the kids who miss out on a loving and supportive home. I think we can all agree that having two moms or two dads is better than having none.6) Anti-Homophobia PSAs for Adults
Wanda Sykes and others have starred in public service announcements that question teenagers who call something gay when they mean that it’s stupid. That’s great for teens, and I’d love to see more of it, but it’s also important to address adult homophobia. Some possible PSAs for adults could point parents of LGBT teenagers to affirming resources or highlight the negative effects of anti-gay prejudice.7) A Discussion About Intersectionality
People are not queer in a vacuum in which being LGB or T is the only part of who they are; all LGBT people are affected by their race, socioeconomic status, religious or cultural background and geographic location. That can mean a black lesbian experiences more anti-gay job discrimination than a white gay man, or a gay teenager feels isolated because he lives in a small town with few openly gay people. Being more aware of this isn’t going to solve anything by itself, but it is a good step.8) Helping Homeless LGBT Youth
LGBT teenagers make up an estimated 20 to 40 percent of homeless youth, and transgender youth are especially likely to become homeless. Hopefully, with society’s shifting attitudes, there will be fewer parents who kick their kids out of the house, or treat them so poorly that they leave. Besides that shift, increased efforts to find LGBT-affirming foster families and expanding the resources available specifically for homeless LGBT teens are ways to help those who are still without a home.9) Addressing the Needs of LGBT Elders
LGBT elders are more likely than their heterosexual counterparts to live alone, are denied spousal and survivor benefits from social security and are vulnerable to insensitive treatment and abuse from prejudiced care workers. Among the ways to address these issues include mandatory LGBT-inclusive diversity trainings for care workers and having LGBT community activities in assisted living facilities.10) More Courage from Politicians
President Obama made history this year when he became the first sitting president to support same-sex marriage. I hope that more politicians follow his lead when it comes to LGBT rights in 2013. Some politicians come from districts that will be hostile to LGBT rights legislation, but it is up to those politicians to say that doing what is right is what’s most important. Other politicians do not push for LGBT rights very much because of other pressing problems, but it is always the appropriate time to address injustice and promote fairer treatment under the law. I hope that our politicians show courage this coming year; a lot of progress can happen without the support of politicians, but it’s far easier when they’re vocal supporters on our side.
